Are you moving or visiting Finland soon and looking forward to dating those sexy Finnish people? Sorry to disappoint but don’t.
Dating in Finland can be exciting, but dating Finnish people is challenging. Today I will tell you nine reasons why you shouldn’t date Finns.
1. The (non-existing) dating culture
Let’s start with dating culture, or more accurately, the lack thereof. Finns, like everyone else, want to meet new people, have sex, and eventually build relationships, but taking the first move, even if they are attracted, is incredibly tough. The Finnish ice-breaking and approaching culture is so tricky that striking up discussions with strangers is uncommon. Online is where the majority of encounters occur. For instance, Tinder, bars, clubs, common friends, and music festivals are all examples of places where you can meet new people. Approaching people at coffee shops or bookstores on the street is unusual, but you’ll have an immediate advantage over the competition if you can accomplish it. As a result, to succeed, you must take action.
2. Finns are terrible at flirting.
Finns are also terrible at flirting, so if you think breaking the ice is the most challenging part, think again. As a Finn, I understand that we Finns are reserved and shy at first, and we don’t want to waste anyone’s time with pointless chats. At first, we have no idea what is going on, especially if it is a sudden new conversation. So, if you come from a chatty culture, things may seem one-sided at first, but things will gradually open up if there is chemistry. The key is to ask open-ended questions and get people talking.
Finnish communication can be sparse, but it is always direct and honest. Furthermore, because the body language of Finns is so subtle, how can you tell what they’re thinking? Is it a romantic interest or just a friendly exchange? If you see the renowned Finnish smile, it could suggest one following: shy, in love, doesn’t sense any chemistry, and wants to get out of there.
3. The Equality
How can equality be a problem? As you may know, Finnish society is very egalitarian, which is reflected in the dating culture. It means that it’s ubiquitous for people to pay their bills on the first date. If you’re from a culture where the guy always pays on the first date, you’re in for a rude awakening because people expect to pay their bills in Finland. Some guys still do it but expect to pay for your expenses. The good news is that Finns don’t raise the stakes too high on first dates because they’re meeting someone for the first or second time and don’t know much about them. Rather than dressing up and going to a fancy restaurant, they go to a bar or a coffee shop and play mini-golf.
4. Uncommunicated expectations
If you want to start dating in Finland, you should also tell yourself about the type of relationship you’re looking for. The dating culture in Finland is relatively liberal, with options ranging from hookups to friendships to long-term relationships. Also, when you finally meet someone, it’s a good idea to ask them what they’re looking for ahead of time so there are no mismatches or expectations.
5. Finns sleep their way into relationships.
As previously said, Finnish dating culture is pretty open, and the same can be said regarding sex. As a random Finnish guy on the internet, I believe that sex occurs sooner rather than later and happens within the first four days. A video about dating a Finnish woman, “Dating Beyond Borders,” concluded that Finns sleep their way into their relationships. And it makes sense because Finns also cherish a fantastic sex life. After all, why shouldn’t they? They also want to determine sexual compatibility before committing to a serious relationship, such as becoming exclusive.
6. Not communicating the status of the relationship.
Finns don’t necessarily communicate their point of view of where to relationship currently is. Here’s a quick story about a Mexican lady who met a Finnish guy, and they hit it off. They went on dates, they had a lot in common, and everything seemed to be going great. They had probably known each other for around two months when they were out walking in the city center and ran into a friend of the man’s. The Mexican lady was introduced as his girlfriend by the man. They hadn’t talked about anything, whether they were a couple or in an exclusive relationship.
The good news is that now that they’ve been married for years and had children. It was awkward because the guy assumed they were in a relationship even though they hadn’t discussed it. Finns aren’t particularly linguistically gifted, even in relationships, so be prepared to bring up the subject yourself if nothing happens.
7. Not communicating their emotions
In Finland, there isn’t a strong culture of expressing emotions. Here’s a funny joke that’s been around for a long time in Finland. During a disagreement between a couple, the lady said,
“Why don’t you ever tell me you love me?”
The man replied, “How can you say that when I told you three months ago. If I change my mind, I will let you know?”
In Finnish culture, saying “I love you” has a lot of weight. It’s so profound that I nearly feel like I only have ten chances to use it in my life as a Finn. So, instead of expressing their emotions through words, Finns convey their feelings through actions, such as actively texting you, planning dates with you, and showing interest in you and your life in general. If it is more typical to say verbal things in your culture, you can tell them. In Finland, people are not very vocally expressive when it comes to emotions, but the good news is that if they say something, they’ll probably mean it.
8. Child issues with divorce
According to Statistics Finland, international couples in Finland are more likely to break up than Finnish couples. It makes sense because there are always cultural differences, language difficulties, and other issues. If you have children and then break up, you’re stuck here because if you choose to raise the child here, you can’t really live, or if you do live, you may never see your child again, so that’s a risk to consider.
I did some research and discovered two intriguing surveys. Ilta Sanomat conducted “Kesäseksikysely” (summer sex survey) with over 26,000 responses in 2018. It turns out that 32% of women and 36% of men have cheated at some point in their lives, making up about one-third of the population. They also identified the top reasons, with the most prevalent reason (27%) being that they felt like it.
In a similar study conducted by Voice.fi in 2019, 46% of men and 41% of women said they had cheated at some point in their lives. While the percentages are disturbing, this is not a problem unique to Finland; I believe cheating occurs in any country, so this is just something to be aware of.
Please note that these do not apply to all Finns. It’s possible to meet a very outgoing, social, and expressive Finn. After all, you will date an individual, not a citizen.