What can I say? Dating Finnish men is awesome… not that I’m biased or anything! But if you are not Finnish and thinking of dating someone from my country, you might be surprised that there are some cultural differences you didn’t know about.
So, if you are interested in dating Finnish men, here are the 10 mistakes you should avoid. I came up with this list together with my friend Varpu from Her Finland—check out our YouTube video about it.
10 Mistakes to Avoid When Dating Finnish Men
1. Don’t expect the guy to make the first move
Many Finnish men can be very shy and reserved, so they won’t always make the first move. It’s common and totally fine for a woman to do it! So, be bold and let him know you’re interested. If you sit back and wait for him to make the first move, you might miss out on some fabulous Finnish men.
2. Don’t expect them to express their feelings
Yes, Finnish guys have feelings, but it’s hard to express them! Finnish people, in general, are not very good at sharing their feelings, so make sure you are also paying attention to body language and how they act around you.
3. Don’t be too pushy and touchy at the beginning
When you’re just getting to know someone at the beginning, try to keep a little bit of personal space. You might see him move backward if you’re coming on too strong, and he needs some space.
But this is only in the very first stages of meeting someone—once you know them, you can be touchier together!
4. Don’t expect texting to be a smooth process
Ghosting happens in Finland, too. Finnish guys are sometimes just bad texters! But this can be a problem with Finnish women as well. Instead of relying on texting, try to arrange a date as soon as possible and talk to someone in person rather than texting. Good ol’ phone calls also work well. Voice messages can do the trick, too.
5. Don’t fall for the stereotypes when dating Finnish men.
Some misconceptions when it comes down to dating Finnish men are that we’re all shy and quiet. But that’s not true—many Finnish men are also outgoing and talkative. The most important thing is to remember that not all Finnish men are the same, so just get to know them and see if you are a good fit.
6. Don’t expect him to pay on the first date
Finnish culture is very equal, and gender equality is a big value in Finland. It’s not as common for men to pay on the first date as it used to be in other cultures. It’s most common for couples to split their bill 50-50, so don’t be alarmed if he doesn’t offer to pay for you.
7. Don’t neglect learning Finnish
Learning Finnish is a big green flag when dating a Finnish man! It shows that you are interested in his culture and what’s important to him. Even just learning a few words, you can start communicating and have some fun inside jokes together.
Learning Finnish shows respect for the person you are dating. You also gain more insight into his personality when you can speak in his native language.
8. Don’t neglect the importance of sex in your relationship
Finnish people are very liberal when it comes to sex, and it’s most common for people to have sex before starting a serious relationship or marriage. This doesn’t mean you have to do it on the first date but maybe within the first few dates. Of course, everyone has their individual preferences about it, but this is what’s most common in Finland.
Finnish women are empowered with their bodies and sexuality, but that doesn’t mean they’re “easy.” Attitudes are liberal towards sex, but everyone makes their own choice for their body.
9. Don’t expect him to provide for you
This goes back to gender equality in Finland—men and women are expected to contribute equally to their home and expenses. Having separate bank accounts is common, but a couple may share an account for food. Trips, houses, or other expenses are usually shared 50-50. For example, my girlfriend takes care of the cooking, and I do the cleaning.
10. Don’t slack off with the communication
Communication is essential in all relationships, which is an area where Finnish men can improve and work on. In Finland, there’s no standard measure or direction of the relationship moving from casual dating to something more serious—each couple does it differently, and sometimes they don’t have a formal conversation about it.
So, if you’re not sure—ask! Finnish people don’t mind clear and direct communication, so if you ask, they’ll give you a straightforward answer.
There it is! All the things to avoid if you want to date me… er, I mean, Finnish men! These qualities of Finnish men might be different than your culture, but if you keep them in mind, you can have a fantastic relationship.
If you want to watch the full video with Varpu, go to my YouTube channel. I make videos on Finnish culture, lifestyle, and language—happy to have you here with me.